Paris, France—After a year long undercover investigation of the infamous news personality Stephen Colbert from the Colbert Report, information and graphics have come to light that beyond dispute shows Stephen Colbert’s hidden love for bears.

Stephen Colbert, best known for his bizarro Jon Stewart impersonations, often rants about the horrible threat that bears possess to the United States. Colbert (pronounced coal-bear, the t is silent), is the son of Italian immigrants who came over from Montpellier, France to bring the acts of miming to the uncultured American people.

The following graphics may be unsuitable for children under the age of five and any fan of the Colbert Report, please do not continue if you are faint of heart.

The investigation has revealed that although Stephen Colbert nightly crows about the threat of bears, the police-confiscated pictures show him secretly having what looks to be a quite enjoyable picnic with a brown bear that has yet to be identified. Pictures will be released during what will sure to be the trial of the 21st Century.

Prosecutors have released the following text message to bolster their case to the public about Colbert’s infidelities and secret life with this brown bear. The text message dates from October 7th, 2007:

• Colbert: I’ll be there in thirty minutes
  
• Bear: growl snarl growl growl growl
  
• C: Yes, we will have a lovely and pleasant evening together alone.
  
• B: growl growl snarl
  
• C: See you then, deary bear

Uproar has swelled over the news of Colbert’s hidden life with parodies across the web editing his shows to mock him into liking bears, with the largest ones available on Youtube:

Even the mainstream media has begun to mock Colbert with a variety of political cartoons such as the following from the never-wrong New York Times:

Hidden pictures of Colbert and others bears keep coming to light, some too racy to display here, but there are many others with just Stephen Colbert posing happily with many various female brown bears such as the one below:

With these events coming to light over Stephen Colbert’s love of bears, one female bear has come forth bearing against public humiliation to announce that Colbert has even fathered a child with her, claiming facial and genetic resemblance to the now disparaged news anchor:

Stephen Colbert’s love for bears even as he nightly would berate them follows in the footsteps of many of his biggest fans such as Bill O’Reilly, a public defender of moral values who settled out of court on sexual harassment to Rush Limbaugh, an anti-drug zealot busted on perscription drug addictions.